Looking for a cushy job with great pay and low responsibility? Be a bank CEO!Well, that's according to Henry Blodget, president of Cherry Hill Research, a business research firm, and editor of Internet Outsider, an Internet business blog.
In a post that appeared on The Huffington Post, Blodget gives the run down on why Bank CEOs are laughing all the way to the, er, bank.
Here are the highlights of how it works:
Take the job after an economic downturn, when your predecessor is forced out after presiding over the loss of billions in bad-debt and trading write-offs (don't worry, your predecessor won't starve in retirement).
Immediately take huge additional write-offs and reserves and blame them on your predecessor. Clean up balance sheet so your performance bar is so low you could fall over it.
Announce "new era" in which Your Bank will focus on conservative, fee- and spread-based businesses in which you grow steadily and prudently.
Sit in your chair for two years while economic recovery (and your earlier write-offs) deliver strong earnings to the bottom line.
Smile for the cameras. Have PR people place a Fortune cover story entitled "The Wizard Who Turned Around [Your Bank"]!
Announce that, given the huge opportunities in the markets, Your Bank will take a bit more risk (prudent, of course) to improve return on equity.
Sit in your chair for three years and collect at least $50 million a year during rest of bull market while those risks pay off.
When it's clear that your traders were just bull-market geniuses and have gambled away all the "profits" Your Bank booked in the previous three years, blame them and express disappointment. Then hang around to see whether market cares.
If market demands resignation, resign, collect $500 million severance, and join private equity firm.
If market yawns, re-up for another cycle and do it all over again!
'Smile for the camera' is my favourite part, because apparently all us PR people do is place senior execs on the covers of financial publications, then sit back and relax. Of course, our job is a lot more complicated and stressful than that.
So on that thought, I might start looking for an easier job.
Any banks looking for a new CEO?
1 comment:
i find it astonishing that Henry Blodget can even find work as a blogger after the extent of his unethical behaviour was discovered. why does anyone want to read what this liar writes? has America no shame? has the cult of financial celebrity really come to this?!
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